What is a Muslim Marriage?
Marriage is highly encouraged in Islam. The Quran lays out a framework that promotes mutual love, dignity and respect in marriage:
And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)
O mankind! reverence your Guardian Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, his mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women; reverence Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (that bore you): for Allah ever watches over you. (Quran 4:1)
O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (Quran 4:19)
…They are your garments and ye are their garments... (Quran 2:187)
The marriage, which should take place in the presence of at least two witnesses, consists of an offer from one party and acceptance from the other. Both parties must consent to enter into the marriage contract and both can define the terms and conditions of this contract including the type and amount of the marriage gift. Consent cannot be obtained by means of coercion, fraud or undue influence. Also consent cannot be obtained from those who are legally unable to give it; for example children, people who are incapacitated, or those with mental impairments, which limit their capacity to understand and consent to a legal contract.
Marriage Gift (Mahr)
An essential part of the marriage contract is the marriage gift (dower) or mahr that the groom gives to the bride. (Quran 4:4 and 4:24)
Details of mahr are generally in the Muslim marriage contract, such as the size and nature of the gift (e.g. cash, jewelry, property, or any other valuable asset) and whether this is paid immediately at the time of marriage, deferred to a later date (for example payable in the event of a divorce) or a combination of both.
Marriage Contract Conditions
A marriage contact is an opportunity to clarify expectations during the marriage and negotiate other terms and conditions. For example, the bride could include a condition prohibiting her husband from taking a second wife whilst he remains married to her.
They may also agree that the delegated right to divorce is given by the husband to his wife (talaqe-tafwid). This would give the wife the power to terminate the marriage unilaterally if she wished to do so without the need for permission from her husband or religious authority - although it is usual to seek advice from the latter. When the wife exercises talaq-e-tafwid she does not lose her marriage gift (mahr).
Witnesses
The Quran is silent on the issues of witnesses for a Muslim marriage. Some scholars consider marriages without any witnesses still valid while others such as in the Hanafi school of thought state that presence of witnesses is essential for a valid marriage. As women are often the more vulnerable partners in a marriage contract, witnesses can play a crucial role in helping to protected their rights which can include checking on her consent, capacity to consent and her age. Muslim marriage law in most Muslim countries therefore requires presence of witnesses. Some scholars insist witnesses can only be male or can only be Muslim. However, the Muslim marriage law in Fiji declares two women as valid witnesses to a Muslim marriage (Muslim Marriage Guide). Marriage laws and procedural laws for Muslims in the following countries do not specify the religion or gender of witnesses for marriage; they just require two adult witnesses: Algeria, Indonesia, Philippines, Tunisia, Senegal and Turkey.
Guardian (Wali)
When it comes to marriage, a popular belief is that a woman cannot get married unless her wali (who has to be a male relative e.g. father, brother, uncle etc.) gives permission. Some scholars will even state that without this consent the marriage contract is void and the marriage invalid. This position is held by the Shafi, Maliki and Hanbali schools of thought and is mainly based on this hadith: “The marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians is void.” (Sunan Abu Dawud 2080, Narrated Abu Musa). Where a marriage is dependent on a guardian’s consent means that the woman can be forced into marriage. There is therefore a dispute about the authenticity of this hadith because it conflicts with the Quran which gives women the right to marry, and even other hadiths and fatwas (religious rulings) of companions like Prophet Muhammad’s (ﷺ) wife Aisha (r.a.) and the second Caliph Umar as recorded in the Muwatta of Shaybani. The narrations from Malik are disputed with many taking the same position as the Hanafi ruling (as mentioned by the Maliki Judge Ibn Rushd al-Jadd (not the famous philosopher Averroes but his grandfather) in his work Muqadimma. The Hanafi ruling on this matter is that a woman can enter into a marital contract by herself without consent from a guardian. Guardianship (wilayah) appears in verses 8:72 and 18:44, but not in the sense that it endorses men’s authority over women. However, the Hanafi school of thought also takes a cautious position on this matter and still recommends that a woman should seek permission from her wali.
Forced Marriage
O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness… (Quran 4:19)
Forced marriage is not allowed in Islam. Both the bride and groom must provide full, free and informed consent to the marriage. The consent of the woman is essential and must be obtained. Any marriage without consent or considered forced is regarded as batil or void. There are also hadiths (traditions based on reports of the sayings and actions of the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) that provide evidence that forced marriage was not allowed:
Example 1
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: “A virgin came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (pbuh) allowed her to exercise her choice.” (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)
Example 2
Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”
He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).” (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)
Marriage Based on Hadith
“I [Aisha] never felt so jealous of any woman as I felt of Khadijah, for Allah ordered the Prophet (pbuh) to give Khadijah the glad tidings of a palace in Paradise (for her).” [Sahih al-Bukhari]
Control your Emotions
“A man said to the Prophet, ‘Give me advice.’ The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Do not get angry.’ The man asked repeatedly and the Prophet answered each time, ‘Do not get angry.’” [Sahih Bukhari]
Keeping the Flames of Desire Alive
Jabir heard Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) say: When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels. [Sahih Muslim]
Keep the Spouse Happy
Imam Ahmed reported that ‘Aisha said: I was asked about what the Prophet used to do in his house. I replied: “He was an ordinary man; he used to sew his garment, milk his goat, and serve himself.”
Communicate and Listen Attentively
“The world is but a (quick passing) enjoyment; and the best enjoyment of the world is (to have) a pious wife.” [Riyad as-Salihin]
